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  • Ansua

From loneliness to solitude

There is a part of me that simply insists on sticking to the notion of “loneliness.” It is the paradigm with which I explain circumstances and one that I use as an excuse when situations get shaky, and I need a justification for my feelings and emotions. Sounds familiar?

Perhaps your crutch is not “loneliness” but any other label, like entitlement (I deserve this because…), victimization (someone to something did this to me, therefore…), entrapment (I would never do this but because of him or her…), you can choose your poison.

All these labels we use to justify our actions and emotions have one thing in common: they choose an external factor to determine our internal state. As such, when we experience them or use them to explain something we do or say, we give our power away to something or someone outside of us. We let that or them steer our emotions. And that is a state of being out of control. The moment we allow something or someone else to dictate our inner being, we cannot be in charge of our lives.

Our lives are complex and beautiful at the same time. If we can use the experiences we have and see them through the lens of learning, evolution, curiosity, we start shifting our focus from being helpless to being helpful.

Take the notion of “loneliness” as in my case. I know that the primary emotion I feel whenever I feel trapped or stuck is one of “loneliness” and from then on, the downward spiral begins. From there to feeling abandoned, dejected etc. are just a few short steps untiI I find myself at the bottom of the pit struggling to find my way back up, holding on to each breath as I heave my weight up and up. Circumstantial evidence backs up this emotion, of course, by pointing out everything in my life that screams that yes, indeed, I am lonely and alone (at this point I freely charge these words with despondency attached to both and use them interchangeably).

But if I can simply view this state of being lonely as experiencing a very valuable solitude, now I have taken the focus off the justification for my feelings to being in a state where I feel empowered. I have now taken my power back by allowing the feeling of solitude to flood me with enough magic and healing qualities that my experiences can now transform from desperation to calm and ease. Solitude is so powerful, because when we choose to be in this state, we have the opportunity to find depths and meanings within us and can access our own vast treasure of love that is truly divine. By being in this state, we can harness those strengths so we can then shine our light when we do interact with others.

Notice, how being in a state of solitude as opposed to loneliness expands the way we exchange with others and most importantly, this is when we begin to put utmost care and add worthiness to our interaction with ourselves. This, I think, is the highest form of self-love that we can practice. A great place to start is also to remind ourselves that nothing and no one lasts forever. Thus, even our darkest hour and our deepest pain has an expiry date. Some journeys are long, some winded but we will all reach the end of the road eventually. We might as well, make the most of it and begin with love and compassion to ourselves and our experiences.

What changes can you make to move your “crutch” aside and step into authentic power? Share your story! I love to hear from you.

Love and light,


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Photo by pixabay on pexels



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